You Are Not Alone in This
If you are reading this, chances are you have spent more than a few nights lying awake, frustrated and exhausted, while the person next to you sleeps peacefully and loudly. Sharing a bed with a snorer is one of the most common sleep disruptions in Australia, and it can take a real toll on your rest, your mood and even your relationship.
Research suggests that partners of snorers lose an average of one to two hours of sleep per night, which adds up to significant sleep deprivation over time. The good news is that there are practical, effective strategies that can help you sleep better without having to permanently relocate to the spare room.
Why Your Partner Snores
Understanding what causes snoring can help you approach the issue with more empathy and find solutions that address the root cause rather than just the symptoms.
Snoring occurs when airflow through the mouth and nose is partially obstructed during sleep, causing the surrounding tissues to vibrate. Common causes include excess weight (particularly around the neck), sleeping on the back, alcohol consumption, nasal congestion, allergies, ageing and the natural relaxation of throat muscles during sleep.
In some cases, snoring is a symptom of obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA), a condition where the airway repeatedly closes during sleep, causing breathing to stop and start. If your partner's snoring is very loud, involves gasping or choking sounds, or is accompanied by excessive daytime sleepiness, it is worth encouraging them to see a doctor. Sleep apnoea is a serious condition that benefits significantly from treatment, including CPAP therapy.
Solutions for the Snorer
While some of these changes need to come from your partner, approaching the conversation with kindness rather than frustration will get better results. Most snorers don't know how disruptive their snoring is and genuinely want to help once they understand the impact.
Sleep Position
Sleeping on the back is the worst position for snoring because gravity causes the tongue and soft palate to fall backward, narrowing the airway. Encouraging your partner to sleep on their side can significantly reduce snoring. A body pillow or a tennis ball sewn into the back of a pyjama top can help prevent rolling onto the back during the night.
Lifestyle Changes
Weight management: Even a modest weight loss of 5-10% can significantly reduce snoring by decreasing the amount of tissue around the throat.
Avoid alcohol before bed: Alcohol relaxes the throat muscles more than usual, worsening snoring. Cutting out evening drinks or finishing them several hours before bed can help.
Treat nasal congestion: If allergies or a blocked nose contribute to snoring, nasal strips, saline sprays or treating the underlying allergy can improve airflow and reduce the vibration that causes snoring.
Anti-Snoring Devices
There are various devices available that can help reduce snoring, including mandibular advancement devices (which hold the lower jaw forward to keep the airway open), nasal dilators and specialised pillows. Your partner's GP or a sleep specialist can recommend the most appropriate option based on the cause of their snoring.
"My husband didn't believe me about how loud his snoring was until I recorded it one night. Once he heard it, he was really motivated to make changes. He lost some weight and started sleeping on his side and the difference has been enormous." - Angela T., Shepparton
Solutions for the Partner
While your partner works on reducing their snoring, there are things you can do to protect your own sleep in the meantime.
Sound Masking
This is often the most immediately effective strategy. White noise, pink noise, nature sounds or gentle music played through comfortable sleep headphones can mask the sound of snoring and create a consistent audio environment that your brain can tune out. The key is finding headphones that are comfortable enough to wear all night, particularly if you sleep on your side.
White noise machines placed on the bedside table can also help, though they are generally less effective than headphones for masking nearby snoring because the sound source is further from your ears.
Earplugs
High-quality earplugs can reduce the volume of snoring enough to allow you to sleep. Foam earplugs are the most common and affordable option, while custom-moulded earplugs provide a better fit and more consistent noise reduction. Silicone putty earplugs can also be effective and are comfortable for side sleepers.
Go to Bed First
If you can fall asleep before the snoring starts, you are more likely to stay asleep through it. Try going to bed 15-30 minutes before your partner and using that time to relax and drift off. Once you are in deep sleep, moderate snoring is less likely to wake you.
Separate Bedding
This might seem unrelated to snoring, but having separate doonas or blankets can reduce disturbances from your partner's movements, which often accompany snoring. When your partner shifts position, rolls over or adjusts, having your own bedding means you are less likely to be pulled or jostled along with them.
The Sleep Divorce: Is Separate Sleeping Okay?
Sleeping in separate rooms has become increasingly normalised, and for good reason. Research from the Better Sleep Council suggests that nearly one in three couples in some form sleep apart, and many report that it has actually improved their relationship by ensuring both partners are better rested.
If snoring is severely affecting your sleep and health, sleeping in separate rooms does not have to mean the end of intimacy or closeness. Many couples find that they can maintain their connection through intentional quality time before bed and simply sleep in different rooms for the actual sleeping part of the night.
That said, separate sleeping should be a mutual, discussed decision rather than an angry reaction. Approaching it as a practical health decision rather than a relationship failure can help both partners feel comfortable with the arrangement.
"We tried separate rooms for a month as an experiment and honestly, we are both so much happier. We still spend time together every evening, but when it is time to sleep we each go to our own space. It was the best decision we ever made for our relationship." - Jen and Mark S., Ballarat
Having the Conversation
Talking to your partner about their snoring can feel awkward, but it is important. Choose a calm moment (not 3am when you are frustrated and exhausted) and approach it from a place of concern for both of your health rather than blame. Framing it as "I am struggling to sleep and I want us to find a solution together" is much more productive than "your snoring is ruining my life."
Remember that snoring is not something your partner is doing deliberately. They may feel embarrassed or defensive, so patience and empathy go a long way. Focus on finding solutions together, whether that means lifestyle changes, seeing a doctor, trying sound masking or exploring different sleeping arrangements.
Better Sleep Is Within Reach
Living with a snoring partner does not mean resigning yourself to poor sleep. Between solutions for reducing the snoring itself and strategies for protecting your own rest, there are many options to explore. Start with the changes that feel most manageable, be patient with the process and remember that improving sleep for both of you is an investment in your health, your happiness and your relationship.
